The inner divinity in its infinity is radiant.
Its waters are vast. Its origin unknown.
Its great mystery pervades creation.
Its rhythms are flawless. Its heart beats for eternity.
It conceals Itself to reveal Itself.
It is the essence of Goodness and source of all light.
It's you. It's me. It's...
More psalm-like than poetic. It made me kinda queasy, but don't worry about that.
The 'poetic criticism' I can offer is limited to
1) that it allows the reader NO freedom to reach a metaphysical conclusion on his/her own,
2) that the rhythm is quirky, and seems to serve no purpose,
3) that there is absolutely NO image in the thing,
4) that the few rhyme-fragments there are in the piece serve only to jar the reader into a weird space between 'reading prose' and 'reading poetry.' [That's not an invalid use of poetry---but you ain't good enough to do that to your readers yet.]
5) that you make reference to 'essence.' I hate the notion
This is not poem, but thoughts are good
Keep it up..
I really like it, I am not completely sure what it means but I think it's awesome. I feel like it is a poem that is supposed to speak for itself but at the same time I feel like it is just kinda like the beginning of something and I want to know more. Hopefully everything I said makes sense😂 I'm not the best at explaining things.
Unsure of, rhythms`, it seems superfluous ., your poem has
delightingly enlightnening hints to remind, to tantantalize .
Good, but a little confusing.
It is not really a poem.
Its more like the beginning of a story.
The message is OK though.
Edit..Your update is much better and can be considered a poem or prose.
A wee bit cliché, almost Hallmark Card-ish, but decent. Kudos
I really like it :)
You use to many "it's" but besides that's this poem is pretty good. Poems really aren't for anyone else but should mean the most to you. I mean it is a very mysterious poem but I like it