I am really codependent and i don t want to keep living this way, but anytime I think of having to deal with everything by myself I get panic attacks.
Growing up my mom was verbally abusive, and emotionally neglected me. My dad was always there, but was so busy working and dealing woth my mom he tried his best. ,I...
First of all, good for you for fighting for a new way! That is repentance. It is also potentially life-altering in a good way.
1) Don't give up.
2) Recognize the truth and stand in it. This has many facets, but for starters, whatever your mom said, everything God made is good and God made you. You reflect a part of Him, and He is perfection in every way that matters. To believe otherwise about yourself would be a lack of humility, thinking that you are exceptional compared to others (better or worse). The fact that you are trying, further shows that you have some substance to your being (from your choices), being as how you are willing to walk the hard road of truth on this.
3) Avoid other co-dependent people and surround yourself with healthy ones. This can be a particularly rocky part of that road. My mom had to start throwing adult children out of the house, including one that had no where to go, because they weren't interested in changing. It was absolutely necessary for both her and I to be able to move forward. When I see those siblings I leave if things deteriorate, and keep visits short for the one who absolutely doesn't want to change.
4) Study up on the drama triangle to learn tools to overcome it. One thing I learned was that guilt is a sign that you are learning not to rescue. Also, all corners are based on some sort of pride (More innocent, more powerful, more heroic, more capable, etc.).
5) I'm sorry if you are non-religious, but there is no way to sugarcoat the fact that at some point there are things that just plain need healing from God. I've had to fight to get out of the drama triangle, but there was an issue in me ingrained so early and so deep that I couldn't overcome it on my own because it came out in my every thought. It took a miracle to get me to the point where I had a chance.
6)You may also need God's perfect love to cast out fear. For me I had to KNOW that God would love me no matter what. This takes a lot more then head knowledge.
Yes, you'll really need to see at least a therapist and maybe a psychiatrist. You won't find a healthy relationship until you sort it out. Until then, you'll probably attract a string of empaths who'll tell you what you want to hear, but will also get worn out very quickly when you just keep demanding more of their energy.
You need someone who can support you, without buying into your insecurities.
It depends on that "someone". If that "someone" is capable of changing your mind-set, life-style and psychological trend, he will give you proper advice. You should strictly follow his good words of advice meticulously without fail.
As a matter of fact illegitimate desire is the root cause for all anxieties. Avoid all illegitimate desires in future. You will be safe. That someone around you also will have a clear clarity of understanding about you.
You go to a therapist and work through it.